That is probably a bad thing. I should get that checked out.

So, I'm going to be a good first-timer and admit I don't really know how this works. I hope this is something I keep up with, I journal pretty religiously so maybe it won't be a problem. But maybe so.
Today I see that magazines make me feel inadequate. I got the newest Seventeen in the mail even though I thought they stopped mailing them to me. I don't think I had an actual reason for getting a subscription. I liked to read them, but I wasn't a big fan of the celebrity worship and self-betterment articles. And if you know me, I'm not really a Seventeen kind of person. I like books. Hence, I'm not exactly sure why I subscribed. But I did, and I'm pretty sure this was over a year ago so they should have stopped mailing them to me by now. Anywho, I got the new one and read it front to back, from the "50 Ways To Flirt" article to the Katy Perry interview. As some background, I tend to stay away from media type things (tv, movies, etc.) because I don't like how they make me feel. Most people can watch a heart-warming romance movie and love it, but I will walk away saying 'Well crap, why couldn't that have happened to me?' I would almost call it a self-esteem issue but almost not, I think I have generally good self-esteem. I'm not really sure how to explain it. I think I am bitter about good things happening to other people because I have such high ambitions. That is probably a bad thing. I should get that checked out. Yeah, so I had been having a pretty great first week of summer. I hadn't watched a whole lot of TV or anything, just class, working out, reading, and hanging out. I finished reading the magazine and, I don't know, I wasn't in a good mood. Being with me and only me makes me feel like I am right. Seeing what the world has to say (media) makes me feel different, left out, because I don't like the same types of things they talk about or don't have all the clothes and things. It made me remember that I'm not seeing any guys at the moment, while this week I hardly thought about that, didn't care. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind being completely different if I knew where I stood in the world. I don't know if I believe in fate or whatever. Love at first sight. Things like that. I think I would be happier with where I'm at if I had hard-set convictions about life, the universe, and everything, instead of the ideal life always being shoved down my throat. Also, I fear judgement. I can't be different than who I am now or who they are because they will talk. I know, it's dumb. I shouldn't care, but I do. I'm working on it. Maybe I will avoid magazines from now on.